What's Your Type?
by Scattered Letters
Summary: The marauders have an interesting breakfast, Remus and Sirius have an interesting conversation, Sirius eats something disgusting and declares Remus as his. As you do. First RemusxSirius I think... Enjoy! BoyxBoy


**A/N:** First SiriusxRemus Fic: D I like to merge their names to Siremus or Remius... Enjoy!

Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew were sitting in the Great Hall having breakfast. It was the weekend, and so it was nearly midday. The Hall was quite full and there was the usual buzz of background noise that they had to contend with to be heard. Remus and Sirius sat facing James and Peter.

"So? What's your letter say Padfoot?" James said impatiently. Sirius had received a letter five minutes prior, and it was the quietest five minutes of his life as he sat digesting the letter, his mouth gaping slightly.

"Dirty cow... rotten pureblood crap!" He spat venomously. He then promptly ripped the letter up. Remus and James exchanged glances. Usually Sirius found it in himself to ignore whatever atrocious letter his mother sent. This one must be worse than the others, if possible.

"What did it say Pad?" Remus said.

"... She disowned me. I am no longer her son. Isn't that nice?" Sirius said. He sighed. "Thank God I already moved to your place, Prongs."

"Yeah, lucky!" James said. Indeed, two months ago, before school started, James had opened his front door to find a soaking, shivering Sirius. James' parents had, of course, let Sirius stay "for a few nights" but it quickly became apparent that Padfoot was there to stay.

Sirius was in a foul mood after the letter. He hadn't lived at home for two months, so he didn't care about having to move stuff. He hated his parents, so he didn't care about them either. What he cared about was why. His parents had disowned him because of his sexuality. Yes, that's right, hottest boy in the school, total babe magnet and big prankster, Sirius Black, was gay. Sigh.

Sirius knew that if he didn't get rid of the bad mood, he wouldn't enjoy his day, so he did what he always did when he was angry; he poured a big bowl of sugarpuffs, added coco pops, and then frosties, and finally, milk. Moony, Wormtail and Prongs watched with a mixture of fascination, horror and disgust on their faces.

"Um, Padfoot?" Moony said.

"Wha...?" came Sirius' irate reply through a mouthful of the awful concoction.

"Why are you eating all those sugary cereals _in one bowl?_"

"Well, my dear Remus, when I get in a bad mood, I don't enjoy my day. When I don't enjoy my day, I don't enjoy the views. If I don't enjoy the views, I don't have anything to dream about at night. This alleviates the mood!" He said.

"Wow, I'm impressed at your vocabulary!" Remus said, genuinely shocked Padfoot knew a four syllable word.

"Wait," James said, his eyes narrowing suspiciously, "What _views?"_ Sirius blushed, and mumbled something. He was clearly embarrassed. James' eyes bulged and his jaw dropped.

"Padfoot, who?" He said, his eyes gleaming with excitement.

"Um, what? Are we missing something?" Remus said, indicating himself and Peter.

"Well, It just so happens that Pads here has a-" whatever James was about to say was drowned out by Sirius.

"No, James, please!" He begged, his eyes imploring.

"James, tell us!" Peter said, looking for the gossip as always.

Before Sirius could protest, James spoke.

"Padfoot has a crush!" he said triumphantly. His eyes flitted to Sirius, who had dropped his head into his bowl. They heard something muffled that sounded like a threat to "Shove a spoon so hard up your arse you can't sit for two months" but James ignored this.

"Who is it? C'mon Paddy, Pads, Padster, you know who I like!" James whined in his annoying way. Sirius pulled his now dripping face and hair from his bowl.

"James, the entire school knows who you like, and still you've got nowhere. I'm not telling you, you'll laugh."

"Aww c'mon! You can't tell us something like that and expect us not to be curious!" James said.

"I can and I have. G'way James!" Sirius said.

"James, just leave off," Remus sighed. He was sick of hearing about girls. It was all his friends talked about, even innocent little Wormtail who had barely ever talked to a girl. Even Remus had been further with a girl than Pete, and he didn't even like girls! If he could "pull a chick" in the words or Sirius, why couldn't Peter?

"Oooooh, getting defensive are we?" James said teasingly, "Is there something you want to tell us Rem? Is there someone _you_ like?" James grinned evilly.

Remus tried unsuccessfully not to blush. This was why he didn't want the conversation going this way. James smirked like a Slytherin.

"I'll take your rosy hue as a "Yes James I fancy the pants off someone!" Come on, seeing as Sirius won't budge, you can tell us who you loving!" Remus really hated his easy to read face. Ignoring James, he turned to Sirius, who was still covered in milk and cereal.

"So Padfoot, umm, is that, err, nice?" He said, still blushing and embarrassed to the point of near-speechlessness. Remus could have sworn he heard Sirius whisper something like "Wanna taste?" but it was too quiet to be sure. Sirius responded louder.

"It tastes great, especially mixed with my hair." He deadpanned.

James, finally realising he wasn't going to get the truth _yet_ allowed the change of subject.

"How come we've never seen you eat like this before when you're angry?" He asked.

"I reserve this for my fam- I mean ex-family feuds and stuff. It used to drive that bitch crazy, she told me off for eating so much sugar, but I never cared or listened. I never dunked my head in it at home, though. It seems only James merits head-dunking."

Shaking with laughter and still enjoying the image of a drippy Sirius, Remus handed him a large wad of kitchen roll. Sirius gratefully accepted it and started attempting to dry his hair. It was no use. He really had to wash his hair.

"I'm going for a shower. I'll see you guys later," He told the Marauders.

"Hold up, I'll come with you. I really need one too after James' prank last night," Remus glared at James, who smiled innocently.

"It wasn't my fault you decided to sit in that particular armchair. Everyone knows that's where McNally usually sits. Now I have to find another way to cover the toad in pond slime."

"Well you could have let me in on the prank!" Remus said, exasperated.

"Come on Moony, I'm not waiting forever!" Sirius hollered, half way up the Great Hall. Remus said a quick 'see ya' and followed the dripping boy.

The two made their way rather quietly to the dormitory. They got their stuff ready for the shower in silence. They went into the bathroom and put their stuff down.

As always they went into the two shower stalls only they used. They went in fully clothed and threw their robes over the top of the fogged glass. It was only when both had the hot water running that the silence was broken rather awkwardly by Sirius.

"So, you like someone?" Remus sighed at his friend's blunt question. Sirius was never one for beating around the bush.

"Yes. Don't think I'm going to tell you who though. You'll laugh and tell James and you all won't talk to me anymore," Remus said, then wished he hadn't.

"Merlin's beard, its Lily, isn't it? I've noticed how you two are all buddy buddy!" Sirius said.

"No! No way! I mean, not that Lily isn't pretty, but she's not my type, and James would stupefy me into next year!"

"So you have a type? Tell me! I won't tell James, and it's not like I'll guess from it or anything."

"Alright. No telling ANYONE, okay?"

"I swear on my mother's grave," Sirius said.

"Padfoot, she's not dead."

"She would be if I had my way. Now, continue. I believe we were talking about types. Is it... blondes?" Sirius asked.

"Nope."

"Brunettes? Red heads? Black hair?" Sirius said.

"Black. Definitely black. And long hair. It has to be long." Remus said.

"Okay, curly, straight?"

"Shaggy. Kinda choppy. Messy, not all perfectly fussed over. I hate when people fuss over their hair too much."

"Oh right... and what house?"

"Gotta be Gryffindor all the way. And well built no skinny malinks."

"Oh. Okay. Want to know my type?"

"You, Sirius Black, biggest man-whore slash wanna be sex God, have a type?"

"Hey! And, yes, I do. I just... enjoy... myself a lot more than others."

"So, Mr. Black, what is your type?"

"Book smart. And blonde. I don't believe in the whole blonde's stereotype thing."

"And eyes?"

"Amber. Or blue-green."

"Oh. Any other requirements?"

"Oh, yes, has to be a Skinny malink!" Sirius said, teasing.

"So is she Gryffindor?" Remus asked. Sirius ignored this question.

"Moony? Can I tell you something that you can't tell anyone, not even James?" Sirius said.

"Of course Pad! I'd never tell a secret!"

"_She_ isn't anything."

"You mean a muggle?"

"No. Let me finish. She isn't anything, but _he_ is." Sirius said shakingly.

"You mean... but... and you... so you sleep with girls but you like boys?" Remus said.

"Please don't tell! And please don't hate me!" Sirius pleaded.

"I don't hate you! I... I am too. Gay, I mean." For some reason Sirius found this hilarious.

"What?" Remus said defensive.

"Oh nothing. Just, I've never met a gay werewolf before!"

"Yeah, well I've never met a gay animagous dog before!" Remus retaliated. By then both boys had finished. They reached for towels hung outside their shower stalls, then emerged all wrapped up. Remus couldn't help running his eyes over Siri's glorious wet, muscled chest. The something clicked.

"Hey Siri?"

"Yes Remmy?"

"If the boy you like is in Gryffindor... and he has blonde hair and blue eyes..." Remus trailed off, for Sirius had approached him and their faces and bodies were mere inches apart.

"Yes. And your type is shaggy black hair."

"Yes. Sirius, I need you to know, I-"

Remus was cut off by Sirius.

"Remember I never answered your question about how my cereal taste?" Remus nodded.

Then, Sirius leaned forward and pressed his wet lips against Remus'. He was firm but gentle. Remus responded. Neither had kissed a boy before, but both knew they had been missing out. Sirius grabbed at Remus' waist, and Remus, being shorter, stood on tip-toes and wrapped his arms around the animagous' neck. Then Sirius opened his mouth and ran his tongue over Remus' lips, asking for entrance. Remus obliged.

He had never felt anything so wonderful before. Sirius' tongue twisted and turned, grinding against his own dominantly. Eventually they slowed, and Remus sucked and nibbled at Sirius' bottom lip, causing the bigger boy to moan in pleasure.

"By the way, that's how my cereal tastes," Sirius whispered when they broke apart. The two held each other for a while, and then remembered that James and Peter would be looking for them on the Marauders map. They broke apart and got dressed.

The next day when the infamous quartet of the Gryffindor house sat down for breakfast, two of them poured what they now called the Sirius Special, grinning like fools the whole while.

"Um Rem? We all know Pad is a bit touched in the head, but why are you eating that monstrosity?" James said. Sirius and Remus looked at each other.

"Will you or will I?" Remus said.

"I've got this. The reason my mother disowned me wasn't because I ran away, or because I put muggle pictures and Gryffindor hangings in my room or even because I lit the kitchen table and the house elf and, well... pretty much everything else on fire. The reason my mother disowned me was because I'm gay. And let's just say that a certain blonde haired skinny malink," the two grinned at the memory, "found out yesterday. And said skinny malink is now a certain well built, shaggy haired boy's boyfriend. Yes, that's right." Standing, Sirius raised his voice. "Remus Lupin and I, Sirius Black, are officially going out. He is my property, and I his. Anyone who causes him any unhappiness has me to answer to!" Sirius re-seated himself beside a furiously blushing Remus. The hall was quiet for about three seconds, and then it burst into cat calls and wolf whistles. There was also a little abuse shouted at the happy couple, but they ignored this.

"So that's who you liked!" James exclaimed. "And here was I thinking that Moony liked a brainy Ravenclaw and Padfoot a brainless Hufflepuff!"

They all burst into laughter. Sirius and Remus were happier than anyone had ever seen them. What no one did see, though, was how they held hands under the table as they ate a concoction of Sugarpuffs, Frosties and Coco pops.

**A/N:** Well, did you like it? It took me a while to finish this one for some reason, but as always please review :)


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